http://www.stylisticallyhers.blogspot.com

2011-12-22T00:29:00.000+08:00

Well, since i've started working at Smiggle Lot1 as a Full Time P.I.C, i found myself much busier than ever. I ardly have time for myself. Especially when theres still chool and i've to rush quickly for school from work every tuesday and thursday. It's Hell i tell you.
Exams are commung Up and i've miss quite alot. But the best thing is, despite all those lesson i miss, i received an 'A' for nearly all my assingments. ~ Its what i like to call self study =.=''
On top of that, i've stop dringking and clubbing. But cigg, is still on. Trying hard to cut down though.
I'm Happy where i am, and i don't need anyone ti spoilt it.

2011-12-12T12:25:00.002+08:00

Ok, so i've been drinking and clubbing alot recently. Which i fcuking so gotta stop. No point. It doesnt bring you any good. On top of that, i also need to cut down on my Ciggs.

Seriously, 2box a day is such a waste of money. Especially when i can use the money for the better like spending it on my daughter.

Seriously, Life such a mess, and i don't know what todo anymore.

2011-12-12T00:29:00.002+08:00

So, it's been quite sometimes since i last updated my blog. It's a lie if i was to say that i've been too busy to update my blog since i actually had nothing to be busy about.

Firstly, I've been emotionally and physically stress. Too many has happen in life.

People always says that it's because im strong that God gives me all this problems and challenges. And i have to say it's partly true. If i'm not strong, i wont be standing here still after what i've been through. But still, i don't know if i can endure this anymore. I gotta feeling, im gonna break down soon. It's just so hard.

Secondly, it's only been the 2nd month since i'ev started school and i've already been absenst 4 times. Damn i really need motivation to go to school. Especially now, being out of job, i have no reasons not to go to school.

Thirdly, finding a job nowadys sucks. All they ever wanted was your certs. And all i have is my olvel cert which is a total disaster.

Fourthly, i admit, i've been out, thoning, drinking, hanging out which seriously is just a waste of time. But i just have too. Especially when theres alot of things happening in my life.

Fifth, I'm done with relationships and loves. I mean, its just heartbraking. Guys ~ I will never understand them. Think again, whats the point of love. Lets say you love a certain guy but his poor and uneducated, whats the point bitch? When you marry him, you just gonna lead a hard life. I'd rather find a educated guy with good paying job who can support me and my daughter. I don't mind if theres no Love between us, since, Ive never even understand the meaning of love to start of with.

So, yeah. That's my life now. Horrible and Torn apart. I mean, i thought i'd be a good mother and atleast have a positive attitude since i'm a mother now, but it's just soo hard. No matter what, i'm still only freaking 18. Still learning and understanding life.

2011-11-14T00:27:00.001+08:00

My life is like I’m jumping trains. Jumping trains is some how taking risks in my life. Losing people that I know aren’t worth it to be in my life. Standing up alone against all odd. Being bitchier than I ever thought I could be.

Train rides usually last for hours. Just like life, I have certain periods in my life. I change with what mistakes I do. I change not only learning I was wrong but also learning to make myself immune to the crap human nature can throw at you.

Human nature can kill you softly inside. School has been rather mean to me. Making me fall ill far too often. I miss breathing fresh air. I want my term break to come in a speed of lightning.

I want to go out and have fun. I want play paint, have Nerf wars, swimming, being by the beach, going Universal Studios (AGAIN), eating without a care in the world, sleep, people watch and just be in the sun for fresh air.

Life, please be back to normal as soon as possible. I pray to God everyday.

2011-11-11T18:19:00.002+08:00

; I NEED A CHANGE OF JOB. I CANT HANDLE WORKING SHIFTS THAT'S LATE NIGHT AND ONLY TO REACH HOME AT 4AM.

2011-11-11T18:12:00.002+08:00

Kau yang start the conversation and statement first ok soo kau takmau la pandang rendah dekat aku sedang kan anak kau tu lagi rabak cume kau tak tau dan tak namapak jadi tkmo nak cakap orang sembaranag kalau nak cakap pasal aku pon ok fine aku tak kesah boleh tutup sebelah mate tapi anak aku kau takmau bobal laa sial peh betine peh makcik dasar kau makcik typical kapypo

~ pergi sekolah tak pay attention fullstop comma semua tak ade tak tau mane nak letak

2011-11-11T18:06:00.002+08:00

It seems that i've been going out late nights and only to reach home around 5am or the most latest at 10am. I really need to stop this habit of mine. Or my life would really turn upside down =.=''

p.s; still figuring out how to put a password to this stupid useless blog.

2011-11-11T15:31:00.001+08:00

So tired of school because:

stress.
pressure.
bitches.
haters.
douche bags.
drama.
no sleep.
no time to do anything.
being compared to smarter people.
shady people.
fakes.
scandalous bitches.
headaches.
teachers that don’t know how to teach.
I really don’t like the people in my classes.
I’m being compared to other people.
the stupid lies.
stupid people.
stupid school.
I’m just so tired of school.

2011-11-09T23:44:00.000+08:00

Having someone who will love you, who will make you stop crying with just one hug and someone who will be like a kid to play with you. It’s the best feeling after a fight. After having a silly love fight, one cries and one apologizes. For a few seconds, both of you are okay again. You’re happy again. You can tease each other like kids again. Love and relationship is just like that. You face problems, you might end up breaking each other’s hearts, but what’s important is that, you make efforts to make it last and you don’t allow time and fate to break up what you have cherished and took care off for a long time.

2011-11-09T22:29:00.002+08:00

I need to fcuking finish my 1250 wrods essay by 12 midnight today. And i am only at my 250 words. I think i can commit suicide anytime soon already. With the fact that Language drop alot. The feeling just sucks when you know your English ain't perfect like it used to be.

I wonder if the marker who mark my examination paper during my O'level did a mistake by giving me an A1 for English.

2011-11-09T22:18:00.001+08:00

; I Miss Wearing My Primary School Uniform. I Miss Wearing My Secondary School Uniform. I Miss Wearing My ITE School Uniform. ~ I Miss Going To School Without Having The Need To Stressed Out What To Wear To School.

2011-11-08T13:37:00.004+08:00

I Don't Mind When Our Conversations Get A Little Boring Or When We're Texting & We Run Out Of Things To Say . I Don't Care When We're Hanging Out & We're Doing Absolutely Nothing. Having You Around By My Side Is Enough For Me

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2011-11-08T01:06:00.001+08:00

2011-11-08T01:03:00.000+08:00

I'M NOT A BACKUP PLAN AND DEFINITELY NOT A SECOND CHOICE.

2011-11-08T00:55:00.002+08:00

I miss being a kid. I miss birthday parties in class with cupcakes and spelling test with the extra credit word being '' happiness ''. I miss being able to run around playing freeze tag all day without getting tired then putting my head on the pillow at night and knocking right out with no worries or cares. I miss eating however much i wanted without a thought, and curling up on the couch with good books and not getting up till it was done. I miss running home to watch my favourite cartoon and the fresh prince and wanking up on saturday morning for cartoons. I miss not being stressed, when everything was pure and simple. But what i miss most of all, was the time that seemed to never run out.

2011-11-07T01:58:00.002+08:00

This year Hari Raya Haji was special since there's Little Princess. For the past 3years, i've been working during Raya Haji as i don't think it was such and important occasion compared to Raya Puasa. But now, with Little Princess around, every occasion is important. With the fact that only on this special day too that i get too go out and spent time with my family.

2011-11-05T21:40:00.002+08:00

I NEED TO READ MORE BOOKS. I NEED TO WRITE MORE OFTEN. I NEED TO COMMUNICATE IN ENGLISH MORE OFTEN. I NEED TO IMPROVE ON MY ENGLISH. ~ it just seems that my language has drop alot since i graduated from secondary school =.=''

Yours Sincerely,

a girl whose very particular about communicating in PERFECT English.

2011-11-05T21:23:00.002+08:00

I want to wake up next to you, eat breakfast with you, get change with you, play computer games with you, watching movies with you in bed, hold your hand and watch tv, send you cute texts, buy you gives, nap together, wear your comfy hoody when i'm cold, look into your eyes, be with you at sunrise ans sunset, cook for you, walk in the rain with you, fall asleep whilst on the phone to you, snuggle in bed, mess up your hair, kiss you goodnight.

2011-11-04T00:40:00.001+08:00

So why do I talk about the benefits of failure? Simply because failure meant a stripping away of the inessential. I stopped pretending to myself that I was anything other than what I was, and began to direct all my energy into finishing the only work that mattered to me. Had I really succeeded at anything else, I might never have found the determination to succeed in the one arena I believed I truly belonged. I was set free, because my greatest fear had been realized, and I was still alive, and I still had a daughter whom I adored

2011-11-04T00:05:00.001+08:00

Love isn’t perfect. It isn’t a fairytale or a storybook and it doesn’t always come easy. Love is overcoming obstacles, facing challenges, fighting to be together, holding on and never letting go. It is a short word, easy to spell, difficult to define, and impossible to live without. Love is work, but most of all, love is realizing that every hour, every minute, and every second was worth it because you did it together. When you truly care for someone, you don’t look for faults. You don’t look for answers. You don’t look for mistakes. Instead, you fight the mistakes. You accept the faults and you overlook excuses. The measure of love is when you love without measure. There are rare chances that you’ll meet the person you love and who loves you in return. So once you have it, don’t let it go. The chance may never come your way again.

2011-11-03T22:53:00.002+08:00

Home has been a mess these past few days. If i was to follow my attitudes back during my secondary school life, i would have already walk out that door and runaway from home.

But now, having Little Princess around, i know i have to take things more positively and think before i act. Cause i know, i have to put babygirl first before me. She is the most important thing right now.

Argh.. can i just enjoy and fcuking not go home for a night and escape from home which currently feel like hell.

On top of that, i wonder why isit soo hard to actually feel love from someone?. Being adopted, i never really felt love from my parents. They way they show their love is through money and material things. But i don't need that all. I just want to be like other family whereby they go out together and have a family day and such and spent time among their family members.

Even right now to feel true love form a guy aint easy. Guys seems to come and go nowadays. One minute they will fucking sweet talk you. And another minute they will just hack care.

Yes, i can have lots of guys saying you fcuking love and miss me. But i'm aint that stupid sweettalker motherfcukers. You think i'm born yesterday issit?

I've been through different kind of relationships so i can know wether your feelings for me are true or not.

You should all fcuking know tht i've a daughter and i whenevr i get into a r/s right now, i'll of course think whats best for her.

And i'm not that stupid to let you take advantage of me.

~ P.S: I need to figure out how to put a password to this blog. and, i fcuking need to improve on my english. Thankyou.

2011-10-31T20:50:00.001+08:00

Sometimes you just gotta be your own hero to save your little heart. Beacause sometimes, the people you can't imagine living without, can actually live without you.

2011-10-31T20:46:00.002+08:00

The only two places i feel absolutely safe are either in a bed with fresh, white sheets and pillows surrounding my head or in water. Like on the bottom of a swimming pool. Alone. Weightless. Peaceful. Nobody talking. Nobody pretending. Just being.

Those are the only two places. Everywhere else i get smacked in the face with arrogance, ignorance, shallowness. They knock me down and leave me bleeding on the floor.

2011-10-31T19:52:00.002+08:00

Im sorry but i nearly became crazy when you left me. Even now, despite wht had happen, i do still have feelings for you. But after what ive gone through, i dont think i can forgive you. I dont think i can accept you back. Since you yourslef said our two yrs of relationship doesnt mean anything to you when you wanted a breakup ass. Ive learn to move on. I dont need you to ruin it for me again.

All i ever wanted was an educated guy with a good heart. But why issit so hard.

2011-10-31T00:34:00.001+08:00

The littlest things can ruin my day.

Whether it’s a text, words said by someone or just a simple view of something. The littlest things can alter my mood, so depending on the different things that happen during my day and the different people I encounter, my mood can change from happy to sad, sad to mad, mad to happy or any other emotions I might have within seconds. Sometimes I think if I cared a little less, my days would go by easier.

2011-10-31T00:19:00.003+08:00

It might be a O.N.S but i kinda had feeling for him. Anyway still, right now i'd rather be single. I mean, whats the point of being attcahed when you know everything in lufe doesnt last lon g in the first place. I dont want to get to attached cause i dont know if i can go through another lost. I'll just follow the flow where life would take me. It seems much easier this way.

Boy, you really caught my attention even if i know your just having fun.

2011-10-29T21:16:00.001+08:00

I’m tired of being sad. I’m tired of crying. I’m tired of feeling empty inside. I’m tired of feeling worthless. I’m tired of feeling stuck. I’m tired of feeling crazy. I’m tired of being alone. I’m tired of yelling. I’m tired of pretending. I’m tired of dreaming of a life I will never have. I’m tired of missing things. I’m tired of missing people. I’m tired of remembering. I’m tired of wishing I could start all over. I’m tired of not being able to just let go. I’m tired of faking it. I’m tired of being different. I’m tired of being angry. I’m tired of needing help. I’m tired of always wondering when I will finally let myself be happy. Most of all, I’m just tired of being tired.

2011-10-25T22:43:00.001+08:00

I will be with u no matter what,maybe i wont be physically there but i will be with u in ur heart.i promise we will go through all obstacles together and if u fell down while trying to get through the obstacle i will be there to pick u up and get u back on ur feet,cause thats what i am for,to be with u all the way:)

2011-10-24T15:18:00.000+08:00

But love is always new. Regardless of whether we love once, twice, or a dozen times in our life, we always face a brand-new situation. Love can consign us to hell or to paradise, but it always takes us somewhere. We simply have to accept it, because it is what nourishes our existence. If we reject it, we die of hunger, because we lack the courage to stretch out a hand and pluck the fruit from the branches of the tree of life. We have to take love where we find it, even if that means hours, days, weeks of disappointment and sadness. The moment we begin to seek love, love begins to seek us. And to save us

2011-10-22T12:07:00.002+08:00

I wonder which is preferable, to walk around all your life swollen up with your own secrets until you burst from the pressure of them, or to have them sucked out of you, every paragraph, every sentence, every word of them, so at the end you’re depleted of all that was once as precious to you as hoarded gold, as close to you as your skin - everything that was of the deepest importance to you, everything that made you cringe and wish to conceal, everything that belonged to you alone - and must spend the rest of your days like an empty sack flapping in the wind, an empty sack branded with a bright fluorescent label so that everyone will know what sort of secrets used to be inside you?

2011-10-22T12:07:00.001+08:00

Every day, think as you wake up, today I am fortunate to be alive, I have a precious human life, I am not going to waste it. I am going to use all my energies to develop myself, to expand my heart out to others; to achieve enlightenment for the benefit of all beings. I am going to have kind thoughts towards others, I am not going to get angry or think badly about others. I am going to benefit others as much as I can.

2011-10-19T23:52:00.001+08:00

The moment you have in your heart this extraordinary thing called love and feel the depth, the delight, the ecstasy of it, you will discover that for you the world is transformed.

2011-10-19T23:51:00.000+08:00

Sometimes we have thoughts that even we don’t understand. Thoughts that aren’t even true—that aren’t really how we feel—but they’re running through our heads anyway because they’re interesting to think about. If you could hear other people’s thoughts, you’d overhear things that are true as well as things that are completely random. And you wouldn’t know one from the other. It’d drive you insane. What’s true? What’s not? A million ideas, but what do they mean?

2011-10-19T23:49:00.001+08:00

There is a time to be in love and there is a time to move beyond it. There is a time to be related and enjoy the relationship, and there is a time to be alone. And everything is beautiful.

2011-10-19T23:47:00.001+08:00

The most important things are the hardest to say

Maybe it’s because we don’t want to hear the outcome. Maybe we’re scared of receiving a bad response. Or simply because we don’t know how to say it. Where to begin, and how it’ll end.
Some things will always remain unsaid. Maybe it’s for the better, or maybe not. But we shall never know…

2011-10-19T23:46:00.003+08:00

No One's Perfect Until You Love Them.

Before you’d see all their flaws, imperfections. But once you love them, you love everything about them. Their smile, their voice, their laugh. You see their flaws as what makes them the person they are, and you learn to accept it, and possibly even love it.

2011-10-19T23:45:00.001+08:00

I want to tear myself from this place, from this reality, rise up like a cloud and float away, melt into this humid summer night and dissolve somewhere far, over the hills. But I am here, my legs blocks of concrete, my lungs empty of air, my throat burning. There will be no floating away

2011-10-17T22:16:00.002+08:00

I will never understand why I ended up this way or what the reason was for. I'll never understand why this world is so fucked up and barely anyone cares. I'll never understand how people can say they love someone then leave them for someone else. I'll never understand a lot of things, like why people lie, cheat and steal. Why they are rude, mean, bithcy, horrible and inconsiderate. I'll never understand how pain never goes away. I'll never understand love or hate. I'll never understanf life.

2011-10-16T21:08:00.005+08:00

Maybe it's not always tryng to fix something broken. Maybe it's about starting and creating somthing better.
Sometimes i care about making other people happy than making myself happy.

2011-10-13T22:04:00.003+08:00

Today, i ate rice twice. And i can see myself getting fatter. I also didnt put on any make up to work for the past two days. I feel so insecure. Im always so jealous of all those other girls out there who have natural beauty with the fact that they are super thin. How i wish i could be like them.

Today boyf sent me home. I don't really know why but i feel as if im troubling him everytime he wanted to sent or fetch. It just feels like i'm a burden to him as i always trouble him. It's just that i love him and i don't want to trouble him.

And, im left with 20 more days before im officially legal. But that doesnt matter much to me. In the past i would always ask my parents for material things and money was all that i knew. But this year is going to be diffrent with little princess around.

All i wish for this year is for people to stop judging little princess. She is just an innocent child whose been brought to this world because of my stupid act. I just want her to grow up hapy and healthy. I don't mind if people was to judge me. But just not my little princess.

And, i think it's time i start to get closer to Allah. It's time i learn and get to know more about my own religion. It's time for me to really grow up. And i'm doing this not only for little princess, but for myself too.

2011-10-13T21:58:00.003+08:00

Recently, i've found myself going to bed much earlier than i used to. Maybe it's due to work which is killing me right now. Maybe i'm just not used to working shift hours.

But this few days, i've been having nightmares and flashbacks. And i'll wake up crying myself out. I dont know why its happening to me. It really hurts and im scared. I dont know what todo. I hope i can have a good night rest and sleep today without the flashback come to haunt me.

2011-10-13T21:36:00.004+08:00

" It's Okay "

I have the tendency to always say this when someone apologizes to me. Even when it's not okay, i still say it. Why? Because i don't want to push the situation further and further. I dont want to make it worst than it has to be. But you know what? It's not okay. What you did, it's not okay and i'm not going to pretend that it is anymore. I know that sometimes it's best to forgive and firget, but sometimes maybe it's best to just forget.

2011-10-06T19:13:00.002+08:00

I just got accepted to work at Ibis Singapore at Bencoolen. It's my second career that's related to the Tourism and Hospitality industry. Previously i was working at Sentosa as a Guest Relation Officer. And now, i'm gg to work as a Guest Service Executive at Ibis Hotel. Im slowy trying to gain new experience in the sector that i like.
I might not be able to cntinue my Nitec Tourism at ITE, but at least i still get to work in the Tourism industry. At least education can be continue in the future no matter what my age is. ~ No matter how old you are, learning never stops. You'll always learn something new until the day you die.
So right now, i've decided to work and save up money first and continue my education later in the near future.

2011-10-05T01:47:00.003+08:00

You can say whatever you want. But my daughter is my life, my light, my inspiratuon and my motivation. Its not that i want it to happen in the first place. I was force to and beaten up to do it. I never wanted it. But, i never regret having her born. And i'm never going to give her away.

I rather she knows her fathers dead then knowing how useless her father is. I rather be a single mom.

You people can look down and judge me in whatever way you like. But remember, i the one that is sinful, not my daughter. Its my fcking fault.

Its my life anyway, my decision. So please mind your own fcuking business people since you dont know the real story and the hell that i've to go through right now. Cause i dont think my situation really troubles you right? Fcuk you people.

2011-10-04T22:49:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I just want to have some fun. I want to forget everything that makes me sad. I want someone to come over and just get me away from here. Bring me to somewhere nice like the beach, or a band concert.

Let’s drink ‘till we pass out. Let’s scream on the top of our lungs, let’s sing along with the band, raise our hands in the air and jump! Let’s not care about what anybody thinks. I just wanna have fun.

2011-09-30T13:51:00.002+08:00

I'm not a perfect lover. I say what's on my mind. I start fights. I get jealous and sometimes i don't want ti understand things to avoid pain. I am demanding, i am childish. I am moody. But there are three things about me. I am faithful, sweet and when i choose him, it's only him.

2011-09-29T22:17:00.001+08:00

Everyone thinks I am so strong & so optimistic. Truth is, I am just as weak and terrified as them. I just know how to hide it better.

2011-09-29T22:14:00.001+08:00

It’s late nights like this that are the worst. You stay up all night and can’t get yourself to fall asleep, so all you do is think. Think about everything. Everything that you have been through in your life. And as always, it’s mostly the bad things that stand out the most. You reminisce the good times you’ve had with people that no longer exist in your life. You think about how much happier you used to be and how everything was better before. It’s nights like this when you realize just how lonely you are, and how you wish that things would be alright for once.

2011-09-28T21:42:00.001+08:00

I love to eat because food is comfy, it does sound weird that you can feel that way about food. I do not care about my weight till i see my favorite celebs having flat tummies and abs. I still love food but can i don’t gain weight?
I want long hair but i get bored with it so fast that i want my short hair again. You can guess very well that when i have short hair, i would want my long hair again. Society always say you are beautiful.
Let me rephrase to my liking. Society will think you are beautiful when you, yourself think you are. Confidence is a necessity in life to be deemed beautiful. I care too much about how i look, how much i weigh and even how i dress to remember that i am only 18.
18 is still young and i am suppose to enjoy the fact that i am alive and perfectly fit to enjoy the wonders in life. Yes, you can guess it again. My life is a nightmare. I am very insecure because i started wearing make up and dressing up at 13.
Yes, your looks may change as you get older and that i so have to agree. I do not look the same like how i did back in my secondary school days. In fact, i look better now, when i come to think of it. Well, my point here is just that i am ranting about my life. With the fact that this is my blog and i have the rights to say what i just feel.

2011-09-28T21:36:00.004+08:00

Love is passion, obsession, something you cant live without. Fall head over heels, find someone who you can love like crazy that will love you the same way back. How do you find them? Well, forget your head and listen to your heart…the truth is, there is no sense living your life without this.

2011-09-28T21:34:00.005+08:00

Here’s how I feel: People take one another for granted. Like, I’d just hang out with Ingrid in all these random places—in her room or at school or just on a sidewalk somewhere. And the whole time we’d tell eachother things, just say our thoughts outloud. Maybe that would have been boring to some people, but it was never boring to us. I never realized what a big deal that was. How amazing it is to find someone who wants to hear about all the things that go on in your head. You just think that things will stay the way they are. You never look up, in a moment that feels like every other moment of your life, and think, “Soon this will be over.” But I understand more now. About how life works.

2011-09-23T15:31:00.004+08:00

Does it break my heart, of course, every moment of every day, into more pieces than my heart was made of, I never thought of myself as quiet, much less silent, I never thought about things at all, everything changed, the distance that wedged itself between me and my happiness wasn’t the world, it wasn’t the bombs and burning buildings, it was me, my thinking, the cancer of never letting go, is ignorance bliss, I don’t know, but it’s so painful to think, and tell me, what did thinking ever do for me, to what great place did thinking ever bring me? I think and think and think, I’ve thought myself out of happiness one million times, but never once into it.

2011-09-23T15:28:00.005+08:00

“But love is always new. Regardless of whether we love once, twice, or a dozen times in our life, we always face a brand-new situation. Love can consign us to hell or to paradise, but it always takes us somewhere. We simply have to accept it, because it is what nourishes our existence. If we reject it, we die of hunger, because we lack the courage to stretch out a hand and pluck the fruit from the branches of the tree of life. We have to take love where we find it, even if that means hours, days, weeks of disappointment and sadness. The moment we begin to seek love, love begins to seek us. And to save us.”
— Paulo Coelho

2011-09-04T01:06:00.000+08:00

“And then I felt sad because I realized that once people are broken in certain ways, they can’t ever be fixed, and this is something nobody ever tells you when you are young and it never fails to surprise you as you grow older as you see the people in your life break one by one. You wonder when your turn is going to be, or if it’s already happened.”
— Douglas Coupland

2011-09-03T18:11:00.001+08:00

“There is neither happiness nor unhappiness in this world; there is only the comparison of one state with another. Only a man who has felt ultimate despair is capable of feeling ultimate bliss. It is necessary to have wished for death in order to know how good it is to live…..the sum of all human wisdom will be contained in these two words: Wait and Hope.”

—	Alexandre Dumas

2011-09-01T21:45:00.002+08:00

I’m the girl who tries to be nice to everyone then gets taken advantage of. I’m the girl who tries to look pretty and it’s never good enough. I’m the girl who acts like she’s happy then goes home and wishes to be gone. I’m the girl who takes harsh words, act like they’re nothing, then goes home and cries. I’m the girl who tries to get her point across and could never find the right words. I’m the girl who has more depth to her than everyone thinks. I’m the girl who hides from the harsh eyes. I’m the girl who wouldn’t care if you gave me a shitty gift as long as you thought of me. I’m the girl who prays that someone will finally understand. I’m the girl who gets happy over the little things. I’m the girl that people misinterpret.

2011-08-31T21:23:00.000+08:00

2011-08-31T21:15:00.001+08:00

“Love does not cost anything. Kind words and deeds do not cost anything. The real beauty of the world is equal for everyone to see. It was given by God equally to all, without restrictions. Everyone, was given a beautiful vehicle in which to express love to others. Feelings are free to express and give to ourselves and each other through our willingness to give and care. What is complicated about this… Why have we made others feel they have to climb mountains and swim oceans in order to make a difference. All we need to understand my friends, is that human life was given equally to us all, not partially but in totality. The sun was given to all. It does not shine on the few. So, just has nature is indifferent to our station or situation, we need to know that we are all equal. We need to focus on the things that are constant and not place our values on things that can be blown away with the next, great, wind. Value life in what ever house it dwells. For when it comes time that we are all stripped to bare bones before the divine and facing eternity, we will understand that the only law we were meant to follow, was to love ourselves and each other. Nothing more…nothing less.”

—	Carla Jo Masterson

2011-08-31T21:13:00.000+08:00

“There is always one person you love who becomes that definition. It usually happens retrospectively, but it happens eventually. This is the person who unknowingly sets the template for what you will always love about other people, even if some of these lovable qualities are self-destructive and unreasonable. The person who defines your understanding of love is not inherently different than anyone else, and they’re often just the person you happen to meet the first time you really, really, want to love someone. But that person still wins. They win, and you lose. Because for the rest of your life, they will control how you feel about everyone else.”

—	Chuck Klosterman

2011-08-31T20:21:00.001+08:00

First Day of Raya((=

2011-08-29T00:24:00.000+08:00

I’ve learned a lot this year.. I learned that things don’t always turn out the way you planned, or the way you think they should. And I’ve learned that there are things that go wrong that don’t always get fixed or get put back together the way they were before. I’ve learned that some broken things stay broken, and I’ve learned that you can get through bad times and keep looking for better ones, as long as you have people who love you.

2011-08-28T21:33:00.001+08:00

Because of past experiences, I now find it hard to trust people. If you want me to trust in you, you’re gonna have to prove to me that you’re worth it. Prove to me that you’re not the same as the others. Prove to me that you’ll actually stay. If I’m investing my trust in you, I’m giving you the power to break my heart; yet at the same time, trusting you not to. I hope you’d prove me wrong and show me that you genuinely care.

2011-08-28T21:06:00.003+08:00

Went to Geylang with parents today to buy curtains. Bought a purple curtain for the living room and a brown curtain for all the other three bedrooms.

We then went to buy my raya shoes and bag today at Metro. and also not forgetting re-toping my make up for raya. As per normal, i bought L'oreal. Wanted to buy RedEarth buy i thnk i'd prefer L'oreal more compared to the other more expensive brands even if i can afford it.

2011-08-27T22:45:00.002+08:00

Went to meet Little princess today. Damn, she has grown alot in a week with the fact that shes going to a months old in a few days time. I really miss her much and getting to see her today was one of the most happiest moment especially with my busy schedule.

I went to Geylang after that with boyfriend Zainuddin to collect my raya clothes which was sent for alteration and also went to buy bofy raya clothes.
Raya is just a few days away and im so not looking for it. Im just not in the mood for raya this year with lots of stuff going on. But for Princess sake, im willing to do anything for her.

And lastly, im pissed off with Sweetheart Syukri today. I was waiting the whole day for his msg and finally i decided to msg him. And atlast, im the one being blame for not msging him. Grrr, why must it be my fault and always me be the one to msg him first? WTH. I dunnu what to think off abt our relationship anymore. I dunnu if its really working out. But one thing for sure, i do love him. Such a pain in the heart.

2011-08-26T17:42:00.004+08:00

Today, i was late for school. I woke up at 9am instead of 6am, when i am actually suppose to reach school at 8am. With the fact that i have DTG retest at 10am.

I tried to call a cab but the line were busy. Damn fucked up and stress up i tell you. Decided to take the cab at Wdls mrt station. But instead the situation just got worst. The que for the cab was super long and only one taxi came evry 5 to 10mins. I panicked even more when the time was already 10.10am and im still waiting for a cab.

But then, a guy frm the same school was right infront of the que and was soo kind enough to actually let me share a cab with him. I resist at first but since he was from the school of business also and i was desperate to reach school asap, i decided to share a cab with him cause i dont think i cant wait any longer with the stupid long que.

After we had a few conversation, i got to know, he's Rahmat's cousin =.= wth. At least i knw we had a connection and was not a totally complete stranger. hahas. Damn, i soo owe him one. Especially with the fact he paid for the cab fees. Thanx bro where ever you are. Buat susah je.

2011-08-25T21:04:00.002+08:00

Sweetheart Syukri fetch me from school today. I have to admit i do miss him lots and i was so happy that i got to meet him today. But the fact that he's fetching me from school means he actually saw me in my school uniform. hah! Paisey or what. Since i look soo 'kental' . hahas. And he actually laugh at me. wth. damn , i really demand ite to give a better school unifrom.

Went to wdls bazaar and then bck home whereby before that he accompany me go shop. aww, so swiit, sorry for troubling you aite syg. hahas.

2011-08-20T20:14:00.001+08:00

“Our lives are not as limited as we think they are; the world is a wonderfully weird place; consensual reality is significantly flawed; no institution can be trusted, but love does work; all things are possible; and we all could be happy and fulfilled if we only had the guts to be truly free and the wisdom to shrink our egos and quit taking ourselves so damn seriously.”

—	Tom Robbins

2011-08-09T22:56:00.004+08:00

Babygirl is 1week old today. She's the best gift that God had given me. I've never been this happy since she came into my life. There might still be lots of challenges and obstacle thats comming, but im sure im gonna go through it strongly.

Life has never been easy, and it never will. But everything always happen for a reason. And i hope to have a great future with my little princess.

2011-08-06T22:33:00.002+08:00

“To love. To be loved. To never forget your own insignificance. To never get used to the unspeakable violence and the vulgar disparity of life around you. To seek joy in the saddest places. To pursue beauty to its lair. To never simplify what is complicated or complicate what is simple. To respect strength, never power. Above all, to watch. To try and understand. To never look away. And never, never, to forget.”

— Arundhati Roy

2011-08-05T22:54:00.000+08:00

"Life is painful and messed up. It gets complicated at the worst of times, and sometimes you have no idea where to go or what to do. Lots of times people just let themselves get lost, dropping into a wide open, huge abyss. But that’s why we have to keep trying. We have to push through all that hurts us, work past all our memories that are haunting us. Sometimes the things that hurt us are the things that make us strongest. A life without experience, in my opinion, is no life at all. And that’s why I tell everyone that, even when it hurts, never stop yourself from living."

2011-08-05T22:21:00.002+08:00

Puteri Nur Zerina.. The name which i decided to give to my newborn babygirl. Today she's 3 days old. Ever since she was born, she was my inspiration, my light, my life. She's the only thing that keeps me going in life. Making me more mature and understanding life day by day. Yes, i know it's not going to be and easy journey, but with her being with me, i'll always try to find the strength to keep going.

People can say what they want about the things that has happened and the things that's happening right now, but i'm gonna make sure that i'll stay strong and not let others people's thoughts and saying bring me down.

Babygirl, i'll ensure you that i'll always protect you and noting can break us apart. I Love You, my sweet little princess, my sunshine, my light((=

2011-08-04T16:33:00.002+08:00

2011-07-27T12:40:00.002+08:00

Due date is just a few days away. Well i'm not sure really when, but im still not quite ready for it. Well, i happy and cant wait for my babygirl to be born. But theres still lots to think about and do. It's just to much too handle. And amazingly, im still super active which i've always been during the whole 9month. Weird huh. But i do get tired easily at times.

A name is still yet to be thought off. Well, i have a few but i just want something thats sound nice with a perfect meaning.

Lastly, the school counsellor, class advisor and NUH social worker are really making me more stress with all the question and the answer to my decision which im still yet to think off. Haishh..

Gotta stay strong no matter what. Giving up might seems to be the easiest thing in the world, but when i think of it again, its actually the hardest.

2011-07-26T13:29:00.001+08:00

“If you are you breathe. If you breathe you talk. If you talk you ask. If you ask you think. If you think you search. If you search you experience. If you experience you learn. If you learn you grow. If you grow you wish. If you wish you find. And if you find you doubt. If you doubt you question. If you question you understand and if you understand you know. If you know you want to know more. If you want to know more you are alive.”

— National Geographic

2011-07-25T12:02:00.000+08:00

I don’t wanna have a great, amazing couple of months and then all of a sudden its over. I don’t want to experience the feeling of being lost, confused, and hurt all over again. I wanna be with you. And I want us to last, no matter how hard any situation is, no matter what/who comes between us.

2011-07-23T00:27:00.001+08:00

Just came back from Shafiqah's place. Its fun to be arnd her family and all her other siblings((=

2011-07-23T00:25:00.000+08:00

“It’s much easier to not know things sometimes. Things change and friends leave. And life doesn’t stop for anybody. I wanted to laugh. Or maybe get mad. Or maybe shrug at how strange everybody was, especially me. I think the idea is that every person has to live for his or her own life and than make the choice to share it with other people. You can’t just sit their and put everybody’s lives ahead of yours and think that counts as love. You just can’t. You have to do things. I’m going to do what I want to do. I’m going to be who I really am. And I’m going to figure out what that is. And we could all sit around and wonder and feel bad about each other and blame a lot of people for what they did or didn’t do or what they didn’t know. I don’t know. I guess there could always be someone to blame. It’s just different. Maybe it’s good to put things in perspective, but sometimes, I think that the only perspective is to really be there. Because it’s okay to feel things. I was really there. And that was enough to make me feel infinite. I feel infinite.”
— Stephen Chbosky

2011-07-23T00:24:00.000+08:00

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn’t supposed to ever let us down, probably will. You’ll have your heart broken and you’ll break others’ hearts. You’ll fight with your best friend or maybe even fall in love with them, and you’ll cry because time is flying by. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, forgive freely, and love like you’ve never been hurt. Life comes with no guarantees, no time outs, no second chances. you just have to live life to the fullest, tell someone what they mean to you and tell someone off, speak out, dance in the pouring rain, hold someone’s hand, comfort a friend, fall asleep watching the sun come up, stay up late, be a flirt, and smile until your face hurts. Don’t be afraid to take chances or fall in love and most of all, live in the moment because every second you spend angry or upset is a second of happiness you can never get back.

2011-07-20T19:25:00.001+08:00

“We all need someone to look at us. We can be divided into four categories according to the kind of look we wish to live under. The first category longs for the look of an infinite number of anonymous eyes, in other words, for the look of the public. The second category is made up of people who have a vital need to be looked at by many known eyes. They are the tireless hosts of cocktail parties and dinners. They are happier than the people in the first category, who, when they lose their public, have the feeling that the lights have gone out in the room of their lives. This happens to nearly all of them sooner or later. People in the second category, on the other hand, can always come up with the eyes they need. Then there is the third category, the category of people who need to be constantly before the eyes of the person they love. Their situation is as dangerous as the situation of people in the first category. One day the eyes of their beloved will close, and the room will go dark. And finally there is the fourth category, the rarest, the category of people who live in the imaginary eyes of those who are not present. They are the dreamers.”

— Milan Kundera (The Unbearable Lightness of Being)

2011-07-20T19:06:00.000+08:00

“Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings. And once you have achieved a state of happiness, you must never become lax about maintaining it. You must make a mighty effort to keep swimming upward into that happiness forever, to stay afloat on top of it.”
— Elizabeth Gilbert

2011-07-19T19:15:00.000+08:00

I’ve learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow. I’ve learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights. I’ve learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you’ll miss them when they’re gone from your life. I’ve learned that making a “living” is not the same thing as making a “life.” I’ve learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance. I’ve learned that you shouldn’t go through life with a catcher’s mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw something back. I’ve learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision. I’ve learned that even when I have pains, I don’t have to be one. I’ve learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. I’ve learned that I still have a lot to learn. I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.

2011-07-19T19:10:00.002+08:00

I wanna be the kind of girl who leave an everlasting impression.. I don't want to be the type that you'll forget in a week. I want to be hard to forget. I want to have the kinf of impact on you where you know you'll never find anyone else who could ever take my place. Because that's what you are to me.

2011-07-19T19:06:00.002+08:00

When i get upset, i shut down. I feel like i should be crying or sreaming or something, but i can't because im turned off. I go silent and don't talk very much. I just sit there and think.

2011-07-19T18:31:00.000+08:00

It’s all like a dream. Everything is ecstasy, inside. We just don’t know it because of our thinking-minds. But in our true blissful essence of mind is known that everything is alright forever and forever and forever. Close your eyes, let your hands and nerve-ends drop, stop breathing for 3 seconds, listen to the silence inside the illusion of the world, and you will remember the lesson you forgot, which was taught in immense milky way soft cloud innumerable worlds long ago and not even at all. It is all one vast awakened thing. I call it the golden eternity. It is perfect. We were never really born, we will never really die. It has nothing to do with the imaginary idea of a personal self, other selves, many selves everywhere: Self is only an idea, a mortal idea. That which passes into everything is one thing. It’s a dream already ended. There’s nothing to be afraid of and nothing to be glad about. I know this from staring at mountains months on end. They never show any expression, they are like empty space. Do you think the emptiness of space will ever crumble away? Mountains will crumble, but the emptiness of space, which is the one universal essence of mind, the vast awakenerhood, empty and awake, will never crumble away because it was never born.

2011-07-18T21:01:00.000+08:00

There are certain things in life where you know it’s a mistake but you don’t really know it’s a mistake because the only way to know that it really is a mistake is to make that mistake and go, “Yup, that was a mistake”. So really, the bigger mistake would be to not make the mistake because then you’ll go about your whole life not knowing whether it was a mistake or not.

2011-07-17T20:06:00.000+08:00

Our life is like a land journey, too even and easy and dull over long distances across the plains, too hard and painful up the steep grades; but, on the summits of the mountain, you have a magnificent view—and feel exalted—and your eyes are full of happy tears—and you want to sing—and wish you had wings! And then—you can’t stay there, but must continue your journey—you begin climbing down the other side, so busy with your footholds that your summit experience is forgotten.

2011-07-17T19:58:00.000+08:00

I never believed in love, nor did I have a clue what it was. I used to only believe in things that could be proved. But now I believe in love. I still don't know quite what it is, but I'm more than certain that I love you. More than certain.

2011-07-17T00:28:00.002+08:00

16/07/10.
Went out with Syukri today, and i just reach home. We had a little talk and it just seems so wrong. Im not sure if its right to actually let him be in my life with all the situations and problems thats happening.
Since i love him, which i really do, all i wanted is for him to have a good life. and i obviously think he deserve someone better. Its such all so confusing. I dont really know what to think of anymore.
And the fact that all my life i've been dealing all the problems and situation alone, not being used to opening up to ither ppl, it just seems kinda off. Im used to being alone, the reasons why im still stnding strong despite all the stress as i know i cant afford to fall. Now that more people are caring for me, its feels so different. Im not sure if its a good or bad thing.
Well, we'll just have to see where life brings me on from no onwards and just follow the flow.

2011-07-16T00:48:00.003+08:00

went to watch Haryy Potter 7, part 2 today with Muhammad Zainuddin((= had a fun time releiving all the stress thats been hauting me. Its been awhile since we spent time together since both are busy with our own things. Thank You for a wonderful day. Love You.

2011-07-07T23:38:00.002+08:00

went to watch Transfomers with MZ♥ after check up at Jrg just now. It's been quite awhile since we last spent time together. Love you lots my baby elephant MZ((=

2011-07-05T20:00:00.000+08:00

It’s the worst feeling in the world to love and hate someone all at the same time. And it’s hard to watch things change when all you want is for them to stay the same. It’s crazy when you want to let go, but you keep holding on, and you want to move on, but you’re stuck right where you started. When feelings come and go and you can’t decide what you want. When you have so many things to say, but you don’t know where to start. When you want them in your life so bad, but all you can do is push them farther and farther away. It’s so hard to think back how things used to be and look at it now and realize that things are different, and they may never be the same again. You tell yourself it’s not worth it, but if it really didn’t matter, you wouldn’t spend so much time thinking about it.

2011-07-04T21:19:00.000+08:00

You have to get hurt. That’s how you learn. The strongest people out there, the ones who laugh the hardest with a genuine smile; those are the people who have fought the toughest battles because they’ve decided that they’re not going to let anything hold them down. They're moving on.

2011-07-04T19:08:00.000+08:00

Every girl has that one boy, that they'll never get over. That one guy that makes you laugh all the time.That one that gives you butterflies.That one who remembers all the stupid things you say and reminds you about it months from now.That one who has his name written all over your heart.That one who you compare to everyone.That one you never get sick of talking or hearing about.That one you cry over and over about.That one that no one can understand why him.That one everyone thinks you can do better than.That one you ask why her and not me.That one when you first saw him you knew you loved him... That one that in some way ends up not being yours, and that boy for me is YOU.

2011-07-03T22:34:00.001+08:00

today was first day of work =.=

2011-07-01T19:40:00.001+08:00

as I get older I think — can it really be love if we don’t talk that much, don’t see each other? Isn’t love something that happens between people who spend time together and know each other’s faults and take care of each other? Still, by the time I’ve had my share of boyfriends, I discover that even the ones I truly love never bring on the same kind of feeling that I get when I think about him. In the end, I decide that the mark we’ve left on each other is the color and shape of love. That’s the unfinished business between us. Because love, love is never finished.

2011-06-30T14:33:00.000+08:00

It’s the scariest thing ever to realize how much someone means to you. When it hits you, I mean really hits you, all these thoughts and questions rush through your head at once. A sad emotion even starts to creep on you slowly inch by inch as you start to wonder.

What if for some reason things don’t work out? How are you possibly going to live without them?
Someone that was once a stranger now is the only person you know like the back of your hand. Someone you once had no emotions for, now has the power to break your heart. Someone you used to never hangout with, now owns most of your time. Someone that you thought you’d never love, owns your entire heart. Someone you once lived without, you now wish to hold on forever.

2011-06-29T21:04:00.002+08:00

Went to do projects with bbygirls at Wdls library today. Plan on finishing everything up today but we end up talking and playing. So, obviously, the projects are still not done. Plan on going to Ilya's house next week to finish up our project with the hope that we would actually concentrate and not play arnoud like today. What to expect, when we girls ll get together, we will end up taling and playing around instead. Girls are girls. Hahas.

I also received a message from Vino, the person who interview me during when i apply my job at Sentosa the other time. I was happy to know that i got the job and would be statrting work on the 1st of July which is this friday.
Only after i've sent my schedule then i realise that i had ROW training this weekend and i already sent my schedule that im available to work this weekend. Die arh die. Now stress. Why am i so slenge? Haiyoo.

2011-06-28T21:12:00.002+08:00

I'm a daydreamer. I can't really help it. If i get bored, my mind always wanders onto something else that's completely irrelevant. Most of the time, i think out situations in my head that i either wish would happen or wish i could have done differently. I plan out what i would say, what the other person would say, what we would do. I even daydream about how my current and future lives would be different if the situation happened the way i imagaine it would be. It's so fun to fantasize, but sometimes it makes me sad. I'm always so much braver in my daydreams than i am in my real lives.

2011-06-28T18:02:00.003+08:00

Today the new chairs have arrived and its baby pink. Cute isnt it. But i still prefer the old design as the new one seems plain. But it doesnt matter as the most important thing is that finally the living room is occupied with chairs or i'll need to sit on the floor which is troublesome.

2011-06-26T23:24:00.000+08:00

“People are afraid to pursue their most important dreams, because they feel that they don’t deserve them, or that they’ll be unable to achieve them. We, their hearts, become fearful just thinking of loved ones who go away forever, or of moments that could have been good but weren’t, or of treasures that might have been found but were forever hidden in the sands. Because, when these things happen, we suffer terribly.”
— Paulo Coelho